You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
