Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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