i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
