I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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