Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
