someone owes me an orgasm
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
cat food counts as protein by the way
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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