I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
