you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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