this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I got her a Nickelback box set.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
