trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
