Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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