my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
