John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
