You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
