I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
where are my eyebrows?
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