Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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