I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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