i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
