Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
