Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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