I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
