I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
