i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Drunk is not a location!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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