Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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