wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
