She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
