Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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