She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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