You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
