I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
