Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
