I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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