I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
