arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
