I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
