Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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