You work out of a Hotel?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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