just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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