Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
