While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
