She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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