I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
