So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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