real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
as a side note pls kill me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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