i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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