please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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