Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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