No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
this just has baby written all over it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
