So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
