Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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