First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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