that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
