We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
