anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Pants are for mortals
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
