just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
