I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
