new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
