I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
